Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Recollecting Min Ser's last day

It's been a week since Min Ser passed away. The memories are still fresh, and I have only just started processing and journaling the events that has transpired. I have personally written 27 pages in my journal on the events preceding and proceeding his demise.

I realise it must be a mystery to many as to what happened to Min Ser 7 days ago. Min Ser's death certificate states that his cause of death was 'severe sepsis with fungal pneumonia with refractory acute myeloid leukemia'. Here is my account of that day.

I picked up mum and dad at 11.30am to head to the hospital in time for visiting hours. Once we arrived, mum and I went straight into the ICU. Straightaway we were informed that Min Ser's condition was unstable. His blood sugar level was high, liver and kidneys failing, blood pressure was low and his heart rate was racing. He is on four medications to raise his blood pressure, but to no avail. At that rate he will last another few hours or at most days.

My heart dropped, I was so hopeful he would be better. I even made a book (a guest book of sorts) for visitors to write encouraging messages so that he will be able to read it when he wakes up and he would have known who visited.

I quickly called Sue Min to come, and informed my parents as well.

I went back into the ICU, held his right hand and just sat with him. He was sedated but breathing heavily. Slowly different ones, friends and family came in to see Min Ser. I was just so numb with the thought that I may lose him that day. Mum and Sue Min seemed to be holding up pretty well but dad was inconsolable and broken.

At 2.30 pm a small group of us sat in a circle at the ICU waiting room, we prayed and continued to claim healing for Min Ser. We were not willing to give up just yet.

At 3.30 pm, my mummy came to support and to be with me.

At 4.15 pm, Dr Chang confirmed that his condition is absolutely critical and there was really nothing more the doctors can do for him. He was already on 5 medications to keep his blood pressure up and it was still dropping. Usually 2 or 3 would suffice for other patients. I asked what happens when his blood pressure drops to low? Eventually when his blood pressure drops, his organs will fail and his heart will stop.

Hesitantly I walked to his room in the ICU. We were allowed to be with him in a group at this critical moment. His blood pressure was hovering between 90/50 and 80/45. The immediate family and some cousins and aunties gathered around him. It seemed he still can hear us, so many talked to him, said their goodbyes and told him it was ok to go. I just held on to his hand so tightly and squeaked an "I love you."

After an hour of waiting, I said I really had to go to the bathroom. I quickly rushed out and back. When I came back, mum said "Min Ser frowned / or was frowning" when I left. He always wanted me to be close to him, beside him. I held his hand again, while constantly monitoring his blood pressure and heart rate.

At 6pm when dad was talking to him, assuring him that he will take care of his family, I noticed his blood pressure and heart rate slowly but steadily dropping. I looked at mum and said, "It's time."

That's when I really started talking to him. I said, "Dearie, I love you, it's time. Steady, good job, walk with Jesus. You're almost there. Steady, good job. I love you." I kept repeating myself saying those words. Sue Min rushed into the room and joined us to encourage him.

His blood pressure dropped slowly as well as his heart rate. We encouraged him on "steady, good job..." like a champion reaching the finish line. And he did so well, leaving us peacefully, slowly, steadily.

At 18:18 his heart stopped and at 18:25 he was pronounced dead.

His body is gone, but Min Ser immediately lives on with Jesus in Paradise. No more pain, no more suffering. He is blessed.

We were broken. Tearing, crying, missing him.

I kissed his hand and whispered "Good bye dearie, for now. Till I see you again."


  1. Hi Jen Ling, its Mas here. Min Ser's ex-colleague. First of all, i would like to thank you for giving all the updates on Min Ser till today. If not i would always wonder how he's doing for the past years.

    Secondly, you are a very strong woman for all you have done for Min Ser and ur family. When i meet you during his wake service, i just went almost speechless plus my crying. So much in my heart would want to say something that could comfort u.

    I'm still absorbing the fact that he has gone. He is a very kind hearted, strong will and caring person. I still remember our times working at Pasir Gudang together with Pak Tasfin. There's so many memories that we had together.. still remember the dinner we had at ur place there. I will always cherish the moments.

    My only regret was not being able to meet him before he left. To say and wish what i've wanted to say as i've put my hope that he will recover.

    I will always pray that you and Jo will be guide, protect by God and always be blessed.

    Min Ser have moved on.. his body and soul but his smile, kindness and memories will always stay with us.. and he will always be remembered.

    1. Thank you Mas. For your support and for just being there. I do remember those fond memories in JB too. Yes, he will always be remembered well.